tame saturday and thoughts on freshman year

cleaned my room today! did the laundry and revamped the whole surface of my desk. there's still some clutter but nothin' i can do about it. necessary clutter is nice to have around. beat kain with hokutomaru at last while waiting for the dryer. then lost to - you guessed it - kevin rian, using tizoc and quit.

other than that, did not feel in the mood for studying - who ever does? - so i watched the first eleven episodes of great teacher onizuka. thoughts on my media blog.

college has been far from the 'time of my life.' i don't know what i was expecting coming into this year. was just glad for the most part that i didn't have to live with my parents for a stint. and indeed, that has not changed. not having parents is great. having the worst roommate ever, unfortunately, is not.

the classroom environment is so different from the environment in high school. there's no longer any obligation at all to come to classes, and therefore, i often do not come at all. i fell asleep in every single one of my first-semester classes and most of my second-semester classes this year. in high school? one class, ever, and only during the second semester of senior year. aww yeah ap stats.

i've discovered my own misanthropy. i have an intrinsic dislike for people. it's probably because i'm not that skilled with social situations. i hope it's because of that. but it's hard to say. i'm just disgusted when people i 'know' try their hardest to act like they either don't know me or cannot see me. and while it offends me, i find it hard to care, because honestly, i'm not interested in knowing them, either. therefore, the process to me is self-defeating. i don't want to meet more people because once i meet someone i want to know him well. and that just doesn't happen.

a lot of negativity is infusing me now. i guess i just don't have a very positive take on my freshman year. not sure if disillusionment has got anything to do with it. again i think this wasn't entirely unexpected, but bleh. didn't leave a good taste in my mouth. during the entire year i had this attitude of 'just wait 'til next year!' - a sort of mental defense that i am not doomed to have life go downhill after high school.

which is the real cause of everything, i guess. high school was awesome and i didn't want it to end. sounds stupid, and it was a long time ago, and i probably wouldn't say it under normal circumstances, but it is absolutely the truth. high school was way better than this. better students, better teachers, better classes. yeah, the classes here are actually worse than high school classes on many levels. and i guess it's hard for me to get to know people when i'm so far removed from the classroom environment.

feeling very dry on material right now. i guess i've run my mouth about how i feel about everything too much, and everything else i say is just stale now. it's just oppressive here.

and that's why i'm looking forward to next year so much. i will have my privacy then, and i will have my games. and of course i will have all that the beatles think you need.

so here we go with finals, and i welcome august 2008 with open arms! and in the meanwhile, i suppose i will learn to live with the present.

ha.